The Hungry Angry Baby

Today I Discovered the hideous truth about myself... I am host to a hungry angry baby... A baby that yells and cries when I don't satisfy it with every disgusting food I can think of... Yes, the Hungry Angry Baby reared its ugly head today. It literally cried and whined till I ate. I mean all my life this baby has lived inside me and for the most part its been happy just living as a itty bitty 10 pound thing. But then it wasn't happy and it ballooned. Now this Hungry Angry Toddler, weighing 60 odd pounds is driving me insane. I want it gone!

it's times like this that makes me want Doctor Who type logic to actually exist. How awesome would it be to have a weight loss program where the fat literally walks away? I mean seriously... its a little weird to think about but to give birth to 60 little alien fat babies... whats the harm?

Where to blog?

I have two active blogs in which I write my angry thoughts... So which thought do I write where? No one's reading either. So where to post what thought.

Well I know something that belongs here.

I recently saw a documentary about sex. I mean it was like a how to manual on various sexual positions. Here's where I'm totally uncomfortable with the documentary. I get that it was "artful", I get that it was just a step by step how to and a listing of pros and cons. It's intention as a documentary was not the same as a pronographic movie. AND yet here i sit uncomfortable at the fact that I really wasn't bothered by it. well... I was and I wasn't. It's weird. I have never had sex so I am not familiar with the ins and outs of how to do something or why something is done and I'm sure I'll ask my husband if/when that day comes but I'm watching this and wondering whats the point? How many different ways is there to plug in the light socket? Apperantly there are over thousands of ways. WElll... No siree... No thank you. I'll be the prude in the corner.

Wow... Now that i've actually written it I don't know if I actually want to post it.

The pain of hypocrisy

I am overweight. Not obese but overweight. Its kinda been this weird obvious secret I've been showing the world but not talking about. Recently I made fun of my sister, who has also been going through the same weight issues as I.

Sis: I can still fit into a small you know
Me: Yeah at Lane Bryant.

I was being incredibly bitchy that day and have since profusely apologized for my comments. She forgave me that day but today she got me back.

Sis: OMG we're going to have to go to the ER.
Me: Why?!?
Sis: Your baby's due isn't it?

Sure it was a lame reference to the enormity of my gut and I know she just meant it in jest, in contrast to mine which was a mean retort.

And yet... I'm wallowing right now.

I know that both of us being fat gives both of us the right to roast each other with zings and snaps but for some reason that one hurt. I mean it wasn't all that clever to begin with and it was a two line put down and if I want to think about all the cleverer comments I made I know I totally rule but somehow I'm totally bugged.

I guess thats the pain of hypocrisy. Until I know how to take little jibes like that I shouldn't doll them out myself.

on a slightly more morbid note a portion of a conversation I overheard between mother and son

Mother: stop that! you're okay.
Son: (shakes his head)
Mother: YOU walked into my hand
Son: (starts to tear up)
Mother: I told you I was going to open the door

and then the rest trailed off... Like the security of my computer... It trailed off. Luckily I have an identity no one would want to steal.

Emma Hollis, friend and foe but not frenemy cause thats just lame.

Hello fellow nobodies! My name is Emma. I reside peacefully in the consiousness of Ms. Anne Choi. Yes, I am calling her out to be a bit of a loony with an imaginary friend but I thought the world should meet me. I am the voice inside her head, the person she tells her stories to and the person most critical of her when she fails to write shit out.
I recently had an interesting conversation with Anne about the merits of having an imaginary friend at her age. She felt ashamed that she had no one real to hash things out with and in a lot of ways I did feel for her. She has isolated herself and theres noone left but me.

But the truth that she often forgets is that she is better off then most of you saps. She is atleast admitting her vices and is accepting of the fact that she does talk to herself.

Everyone has that little voice inside of them and much like the movie Drop Dead Fred, they all spak the same language.

So whats my point? Sometimes it will be Anne, sometimes it will be me. Either way, nothing is off topic and it will be a free for all of furious keyboard banging.

Defining myself

I have often considered myself a storyteller. My life was filled with adventures and I knew that of all the people in my family, I had a particular knack for the inventive so I sought to prove it. I found a passion in writing because in its difficulty I found an ease with it. I could elaborate as much as I wanted and I didn't necessarily have to have an audience. But over the years I found it incredibly challnging to be a writer. I loved to write, I loved to tell stories and yet th process of writitng it down was a discipline I had yet to master.

I still haven't mastered it but I have renwed my commtiment to writing, even if it means a blog noone will read. I have thoughts that are often super crammed in there and it is a bit of a relief to have a proper outlet.

Onwards

Hating this Guilt: What does it mean to Evangelize?

I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus died for my sins and now I will be able to go to Heaven. I am convicted by the truth that this is good news and I should share this with the world. I am also convicted to live every day like Jesus did while he lived on Earth.

These are a few of the convictions I have as a person. I cannot deny this about myself. You ask me" what do you believe in?" and most likely my answer will be somewhere along the lines of what I spouted bout two seconds ago. All that being said... I will admit I haven't been good about sharing the good news to people. It isn't that I don't want to or I am ashamed of what I believe in, I guess there's part of me that's scared. I could care less of the thoughts of others, but I do care about God. I am a strong Christian in the sense that my faith in Him will never waiver, BUT I will be honest in saying that I am not a strong Christian when it comes to studying the Bible and immersing myself daily in all the goodness of the history that God laid down before me.

Here is where the conflict kicks in... I am unsure if I am ready to be responsible for this but at the same time I know I have to do it. I need to work on my faith and convictions before I can honestly go out in the world and share the gospel with the confidence that the good news deserves. It took me awhile but I am finally taking myself on the right path.

WHY THE HECK THEN IS THERE SO MUCH PRESSURE? Twice this week, I have felt a guilty twinge and then plain anger because of this issue. I do concede to the fact that as Christians we do have a responsibility to live and share the goodness of God. BUTTT... Does it mean I have to send the email chain letter? Does it mean I have to go up to strangers in the busiest shopping season and pretty much intrude on presonal space? Some will say yeah. The gospel is offensive and I should be prepared to take the spitting and the swearing and the rejection. Well... I say nay. There are those out there that are meant to be that way... bold and conquering persecution and then there are those like me.

I believe that I will share the gospel in a powerful bold voice. I know that it'll come. But come on people! I'm a bit of a wimp! Let me work out my issues. When I share his word in that way I'll be effective.

So stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not a lost cause! I do hold true to my responsibility and will proceed in the sphere of influence God has called me to be a missionary.

SIGH

Dear reader, ( as I'm pretty sure the one person who stumbled upon this dusty old blog is quite astute in finding random stuff online)

You are a very smart person. You know that in this world there are many out there who'll try to preach to you and tell you things that won't seem genuine. I am sincere in saying this, believing in God and Jesus is a wonderful thing. It doesn't entail being perfect or doing all these rituals all it takes is faith.

If you want to know what I mean feel free to email me.
choi.annej@gmail.com

From Penises to Politics

The world is full of wonderful things to talk about. I for one want to discuss them all in detail. But to do this I have to

a. have a family who wants to talk about anything and everything... but I don't

b. I have to live somewhere interesting where I want to talk about all these things with people who will provide interesting conversation... but there aren't! (Ironically I am currently part of a Big Ten community. )

So What does a girl do? Blog! Woohoo!

Here it is random folks of the internet seeking the perspective of a thinker. A person who asks questions that some people might know the answer to or might not. who cares? its worth discussing.

BIG question 2
Why from Penises to politics? Well in a good conversation our natural train of thought can take us through twenty topics that can range from contreversial to goofy to weird, I had the fortune of being in such a lively conversation where topics ranged from girls comparing the penis sizes of their boyfriends with their fingers and the politics of a nation that never seems to fully satisfied to have freedom that most other nations don't

there it is

Random conversation

Me to the world. what shall we talk about next?