I love being Christian. I love believing in a Truth that provides me with a comfort, a love, a peace of mind that I know many in this world don't have. While I can't believe that I'm saying this out loud... There are moments I wish I weren't.
I wish I weren't so sure of myself,I wish I weren't so sure of who I'm called to be.
I wish I didn't believe in something so pure and true because I know I'll never live up to it.
It would be so much easier to not have to worry or even care what the world thinks of me.
I wish I could just get tested for some disease I probably don't have and live in this world that excused bad behavior with medical prescriptions.
The thing is... As much I wish this sometimes, to have the easy way out... to give justification for my bad behavior and irresponsibility...
I know I'm better than that.
I was created to be better than that.
And right now, while I wallow a bit in self pity and doubt , I still smile because I know I have a tomorrow. I know I have hope because I know I have a God who loves me enough to let me post my fears and doubts on the internet, where hate and the ability to twist words into propaganda exists.
So in all honesty, it may be easier for me to not have God and gain the temporary relief but sometimes you ride out the pain and fear and doubt till that brighter tomorrow.
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